Fourth Grade Logic Test

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Fourth Grade Logic Exam

Continuing our series on tests a fourth-grader should be able to pass.

1. Given the following facts:
Fact 1: New Orleans is below sea level.
Fact 2: Levees keep out the water that surrounds the city.
Fact 4: Thousands of people can die when a city floods.
Fact 3: A severe hurricane can overwhelm the current levees.
Fact 5: New Orleans is smack in the middle of hurricane central.
What is the logical thing for you to do as President?
A. Make preventing a flood disaster a high priority for your Administration.
B. Take a long biking vacation.
C. Push through big tax cuts.

2. The country you run as President is planning to borrow several hundred million dollars from future generations in order to build something. What is the logical thing to build?
A. Strengthened levees in New Orleans to eliminate the only top three disaster threat that you can do something about.
B. A bridge to nowhere in Alaska sponsored by a powerful Senator from your party.
C. Tax Cuts.

3. Governors of the states in the country you run as President have soldiers to help with emergencies. What is the most logical use for them?
A. Stay in their states so they can help with emergencies.
B. Send them wars in foreign countries to help with your reelection.
C. Cut taxes.

Scoring Questions 1-3:
Any A answers: Here’s one kid that won’t be growing up to be President!
All B answers: George, are you sneaking into those fourth grade classes again? BTW, how does My Pet Goat end? You heard the whole thing, right?
Any C answers: Doctor of Dittohead Logic (Dl. D).

4. As President of your country, you have a choice of spending $140 million to fortify levees against an hurricane disaster that may or may not occur during your term, or spending this amount plus a hundred billion more to rebuild. What is the most logical course of action?
A. Bite the bullet and fortify the levees.
B. Roll the dice.
C. Repeal the death tax.

Scoring Question 4:
A. A dumb move for so many reasons, including 1) sending money to just a few Blue State congressional districts makes no sense when there are so many needy Red State districts; 2) As Speaker Hastert points out, we should be bulldozing rather than rebuilding cities like New Orleans that need as much $140 million of the US budget of $2.5 trillion (.0056%) to be safe; 3) think how stupid you’d feel if you got to the end of your term and the city hadn’t flooded even once!
B. Why not? This approach got Bush reelected!
C. Bonus points for staying on message through petty distractions that everyone will forget by the next election cycle.

5. Write an essay on government’s responsibility to protect citizens from natural disaster.

Scoring Question 5:
A. More than four words: no credit.
B. Full credit for the following phrases: “It’ll just flood again,” “Waste, Fraud, and Abuse,” “Let them eat cake,” or “Huh?”
C. Extra credit for “Repeal the death tax.”