Feature of the Week
We’ve been gratified to see the Evolution debate at the forefront of public attention this month, what with cover stories in Time and a front page series in the New York Times. As our beloved long-time readers know, from Day 1 (two years ago this month) we have seen the fight against biological pseudo-science as the front lines in the public policy Battle for Reality. We thus offer up our Anti-Creationism topic arc, starting with Statement to the Ninth Grade.
08.26.05 @ 08:38 PM EDT [link]

Where’s the Equal Time for Ebonics?
In thinking about equal time for dumb theories in our high school classes, it hit me that the political religious right’s desire to teach Creationism/ Intelligent Design is exactly analogous to the movement to teach Ebonics in English class. Ebonics is the concept that Black (as in ebony) English (also known as Black Dialect) is a perfectly valid alternative to traditional English. Why shouldn’t they be taught side by side as competing “theories” of proper English? It’s true that “traditional” English versions have been spoken for millennia prior to the Ebonic version, but so what? If there are people out there that think that Black Dialect should be taught in English class, regardless of what the snooty Professors of English think, then why shouldn’t it be? If Creationism and Intelligent Design need to be taught in Biology class even though biologists uniformly denounce these as non-science, why shouldn’t Ebonics have a similar status? Shouldn’t we “teach the controversy?” Remember when George W said to five Texas newspapers that Intelligent Design should be taught in Biology class “so people can understand what the debate is about” and “part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought.” It sounds to me like an unequivocal endorsement of the teaching of Ebonics! The difficulty, of course, is that the right wing has been railing against the teaching of Ebonics for years, so it would be a little hypocritical for them to reverse course now. Not that fear of being called hypocritical has ever stopped them in the past!
08.25.05 @ 08:13 PM EDT [link]

Equal Time for Other Dumb Theories
The political religious right has been out in force to sell the idea that it is simple fairness for alternative “theories” like Creationism and Intelligent Design to be taught in Biology class, alongside the theory that biologists actually believe (evolution, in case you were wondering). If this is such a great idea, shouldn’t the same apply to all the other high school subjects? Clearly we should similarly be giving equal time in all the other subjects to alternative content not actually held by practitioners in the respective fields. For example, many of the sciences began as pseudo-sciences. Since their pseudo versions have been around longer than their modern versions, shouldn’t the pseudo versions be given at least equal weight? For example, before mathematics there was numerology, the belief in the special significance of certain numbers. It is entirely analogous to creationism’s special significance within the animal kingdom for one particular species, Homo Sapiens. And predating Astronomy was astrology, the belief in the special significance of certain alignments of stars (seeing the pattern here?) Before Chemistry was alchemy, the belief in miracle substances that could meet special human needs, notably the need to be rich and to live forever. But why stop at ancient pseudo-sciences? Why not, in the spirit of Intelligent Design, invent entirely new pseudo-sciences, so as to be all the more deliberate in ensuring that high school students are exposed to a healthy set of BS ideas? For example, in auto shop, as an alternative to traditional methods for tracking down the source of a mechanical problem, we could introduce the rival theory that car problems are caused by the vehicle being possessed and needing exorcism. In Phys Ed we could teach that thinking about exercise is an entirely viable alternative to actually exercising. The list goes on and on. The common theme underlying all of these alternative theories is the comforting belief that magic can be counted on to make our lives better in every area. In other words, we need to be more consistent across our high school classes in imparting the important lesson that the old-fashioned way of accomplishing a desired result, through effort, skill, and persistence, is just too much work!
08.24.05 @ 08:36 PM EDT [link]

Sure We’re Sacrificin’
The Right Wing is upset that Liberals have been scoring points at the expense of Bush’s no-sacrifice approach to the challenges of the 21st Century. Bush opponents point out that the extra spending Bush has pulled out of Congress for has been accomplished without counterbalanced tax increases or cuts to over government programs. There’s sacrifice going on, but only in the sense that posterity’s fiscal health and well-being are being sacrificed on the altar of greed. Then there’s the issue of what Bush War Policy (BWP) is doing to the military. A small percentage of the population is making enormous personal sacrifices while the only hardship the rest of us face is having to change the channel when another depressing story on Iraq mahem comes onto the tube. Conservatives should take heart, though. The country at large really is sacrificing as a result of the Bush Agenda. Consider that BWP has oil prices topping historic highs just about every day. An extra .70 a gallon over the last six months makes for a big hit to the paycheck whenever the old SUV needs to be tanked up. Think of the peace of mind we’re sacrificing by knowing about those anti-aircraft missiles buried in the Iraqi desert just waiting to be dug up and shipped to Al Qaeda cells around the world. Think of all the extra deaths we’ll be getting from the pollution now spewing into Bush’s Clear Skies. Think about all the extra interest on the national debt that’s soaking up our tax dollars. So maybe we’re not the greatest generation, but what we lack in great sacrifice we make up for in sacrifice of the moral high ground!
08.23.05 @ 08:19 PM EDT [link]

Strict Constructionism in Action
When the Constitution was originally enacted one of the arguments for it was that the States could serve as laboratories for social experimentation. That’s one principle that has been validated in spades over the last two centuries. And if there are any States that stand as examples of mold in the petrie dish, it’s the States of the Deep South! Here’s a great example, a recent case on the Alabama Supreme Court. The case involved the State’s Shield Law. Such laws or judicial precedents exist in virtually every state. Interestingly, there is no Federal shield law, which is why Judith Martin from the NY Times is sitting in jail right now. Anyway, a newsmagazine claimed that it was protected from having to divulge a particular source by the State’s shield law. This law applied to newspapers, radio, and television stations. However, the strict constructionist majority on the Alabama Supreme Court ruled against them. Why? Magazines weren’t specifically mentioned by the law! You have to wonder what kind of mental processes were underway between the ears of those august justices to produce a ruling like that. The implicit assumption is that the Alabama Legislature must have specifically excluded magazines. Maybe they assumed that the other Alabama media were making the proper level of campaign contributions but the magazines were holding out. Maybe it’s because too many magazines are headquartered in snooty NYC as compared to fine, red-blooded native born and bred Alabaman newspapers and broadcast stations. Maybe there is some method to the madness after all!
08.22.05 @ 07:36 PM EDT [link]

The Perfect Candidate
Setting: News broadcast on location at a Washington DC high school. “Next we go to reporter Julie Martin for an interview with President Bush’s newly announced candidate for the recent, and unexpected, opening on the Supreme Court. Julie?” “Yes, Roberta, we’re here with Thomas White. Mr. White, were you surprised to be called on by the President for this important position?” “Well, Julie, I have to confess that it hadn’t occurred to me that this great honor might come my way at this point in my life, but now that it has, the power of the President’s logic is there for all see. He’s clearly learned from the success he enjoyed with his elevation of John Roberts to his seat on the Court. By tapping me, he’s merely taking to their logical conclusion the factors that will make John Roberts an effective Conservative voice on the Court for many decades to come.” “Well, Mr. White, considering that you are 16, your actuarial longevity is the greatest of any nominee in the history of the Republic. What are your other qualifications?” “For one thing, Julie, my selection will certainly avoid a partisan fight over the judicial record. Since I don’t have one, Liberals won’t be able to take past cases out of context. OK, maybe there might be some trouble over that Civics term paper, but remember I was only 13 at the time and my views have matured considerably since then.” “Although many of the President’s most ardent supporters might well be pleased what you had to say in that now-famous paper, Mr. White.” “That’s what my friends tell me. That’s another good qualification for me, don’t you think, Julie? By going to school here in DC, I have a special relationship with the sons and daughters of the movers and shakers of the DC establishment. The conversations we have in the van pool to soccer practice are very stimulating. And my dentist tells me that my braces will be off in time for the confirmation hearings and has assured me that my new smile will, as with Justice Roberts, be just what I need to sail to consent by the Senate!”
08.21.05 @ 06:06 PM EDT [link]