Brother Dan: Touring Crawford's Rancho Boguso
There's a fine little spin-job circulating on the net about Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch. It goes something like this: If you buy into the idea that Bush is "just an ol' cow hand" more comfortable in his faded Levis and his cracked-leather boots on the dusty family homestead than he is in his crisp blue pinstripe suit (with omnipresent American flag lapel pin) and his Tanino Crisci Italian wingtips in the "Big Cities" of Austin or D.C. ... well, sorry -- you've been royally duped. Bush's Crawford ranch, the story goes, is nothing more than an elaborate set for "The George Bush Show," a show written and staged by none other than Karl Rove. (We'll never forget episode 11 of "The George Bush Show" -- the Top Gun landing on the aircraft carrier heralding the “end of major combat operations in Iraq” ... after which tens of thousands more people died. GE and Budweiser sponsored that episode, I believe.) Not only was the "ranch" created in 2000, so, too, was the "town" of Crawford! Before 2000, only about 400 people lived in the area. The Crawford Chamber of Commerce and Agriculture was formed shortly after the ranch was finished.

The house on the ranch was designed and built to be ready for Bush to step into during the 2000 presidential election -- a set awaiting its star. The "homey ol' ranch house” is actually a 10,000-square-foot single-level mansion/compound with a huge swimming pool, two jacuzzis, a 50-seat multimedia center, an elaborate global communications center, a decent-sized golf course, an aircraft landing strip, a stocked bass lake, and oodles more “rustic” amenities. The completion date of the house was November 7 -- election day 2000. That means that the curtain went up on the “set” on schedule for "show time." The key idea was to treat the American voter to footage of W in a quiet rural "retreat" at the family ranch. People would see the ranch as a rooted family homestead like the Kennedy's in Martha's Vineyard or FDR’s at Campobello. But when Bush retreated to his homestead in November, 2000, he was walking onto a prepared set where the paint had barely dried! The “old” family homestead will be just five years old this November!

Is this a true characterization? Is Bush really just a big “phony on the range?” Well, setting aside wife Laura’s hilarious observation at the Press Correspondents Dinner last month that W is so clueless about ranch life that he once tried to milk a male horse (I dare you -- try to get THAT image out of your head!), I decided to go on the Crawford ranch tour to see for myself. The ranch tours are rare – Bush only let’s them happen once a year or so. But I just happened to be at a Texas Rattlesnake Chili Cookoff last month and caught wind of an upcoming tour from a chili-loving local who gave me the secret password to say at the gate – RANCHO BOGUSO.

Quicker than you can say "nuke-yu-ler," I was in for a three-hour tour, led by none other than that ol’ ranch hand himself, 43! I was joined by about 20 other good, solid middle Americans -- and to Bush's credit, he didn't let in only die-hard supporters. One guy had on a muscle T-shirt that said "Dick Cheney is the Fascist Man in the human race," which made W chuckle and give a thumbs up. Since there was no press around, the Prez was relaxed and (now hold on to your Stetsons) open and honest, even encouraging us to ask questions. Some of my favorite enlightening moments from the day:

Bush laid to rest right away the idea that he's not a true cowboy who knows the ranching life inside out. He grabbed a branding iron out of a roaring campfire, the tip glowing with a furious red "W," and swaggered up to a "little doggie" calf being held down by seven of his Mexican ranch hands. Leaning in confidently, Bush seared a smoking "W" smack dab in the middle of the left butt cheek of one of the Mexicans. As the poor chico ran screaming into the bunkhouse for medical attention, Bush snickered and smirked. "Not my fault," he said. "The cow was wiggling something fierce, and that hombre was dead still. Won't happen again." The other six ranch hands -- all sporting angry red "W" welts on their patoots, laughed along with the Big Boss Man.

The guy in the Cheney T-shirt tossed a few questions W's way that I'm sure he thought would rattle the cage of the "leader of the free world." Not to be, my man! "Hey Georgie," said T-shirt guy. "How do you explain the Far Right's history of intimidating, bullying, and even firing intelligence agents who dare to present theories that undermine the case for war -- tricks that started back when your Dad ran the CIA in the 1980's?" Bush denied the charge. "Nonsense," he said. "We trust them to do their work and to tell us the truth. We need their input."

Bush then excused himself for a minute to make an "executive" landscaping decision, consulting with two ranch hands on the front lawn about a pesky dandelion infestation. "What do say there, Pancho?" he asked. "Looks to me like these yellow things are evil, out to take over the whole spread here ... I say flood the whole damn lawn with some high-test weed killer and nuke the whole damn lot of those yellow bastards." "But Senor Bush," said ranch hand #1, "that will kill the entire lawn. The dandelions are not a threat. I can pick them out with a hand shovel and save the grass." "Take a hike, muchacho!" screamed the bi-lingual W. "Adios para forever, amigo. Bye-bye and bueno luck." He turned his attention to ranch hand #2. "What do you say, Diablo -- shovel 'em up or weed killer on the whole damn patch?" Ranch hand #2 was a quick study. "Weed killer, Senor Presidente. The dandelions are a threat to everything here. They may reach the breakfast nook if we don't kill them!" "You're sure now?" Bush asked. "OK -- well, you're the lawn expert. If you say weed killer, then let's soak it down." Bush winked at the tour crowd. "See, that's called 'delegating'. And I call whackin' out the green grass along with the nasty dandelions 'acceptable collateral damage.' "

When T-shirt guy asked about the rampant reports of prisoner mistreatment -- intimidation, fear inducement, humiliation, perhaps even torture -- at US prisons in Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay, Bush had ready answers. "See, I think those reports are the words of people who hate America, who have been trained to disassemble ... that means to lie.* (*actual Bush quote!!). The Prez sauntered over to a small wooden shed and opened the door. Inside, hanging upside down by his feet in the dark, blistering heat was a blindfolded and handcuffed ranch hand, his head just inches from the spinning blade of an overturned lawnmower, the air current whipping his hair into a rat's nest hairdo. "It's all how you spin it, you see? Some people might say 'ooh, this is torture!' Not me -- I say it's a fella' who's found a clever way to fan himself cool on a hot day. And a fella' who's got some time to think twice about sneaking and eating my Cool Ranch Dorito's when he's allowed into the main house to use the bathroom with running water."

When asked to reconcile his sunny and optimistic statements about the future of Iraq with the violent reality of Baghdad street life, Bush was somber. Despite being on a well-deserved six-week vacation break from the rigors and stress of war leadership, he kicked into high gear. Speaking from the fifth tee at his private golf course (which he calls the Nariz de mi Madre Country Club, for some reason) Bush was firm. "We have to be patient in Iraq. Rushing things is bad business." Keeping his head down, Bush took a nice relaxed swing, driving his golf ball a respectable 299 yards. "See that? Relaxed, I whack the ball like a champ. Rushing it, I shank the shot. That’s unacceptable. I was patient and thorough. That’s what we have to be in Iraq."

Next, T-shirt guy asked why Bush seems to have abandoned the pursuit of Osama Bin Laden. Ol' 43 pulled no punches. Plucking a jumbo Tiger Shrimp from a chilled, engraved silver bowl in the back of his Mercedes-Benz golf cart, Bush dipped the exotic treat into a tureen of spicy peach salsa and gulped it in one ferocious bite, wiping his mouth with a silk napkin handed to him by the sweaty butler that runs hole-to-hole behind his golf cart in the 100-plus degree heat, assisting the Prez with his dining needs. "See that shrimp disappear?" Bush said, smirking. "That’s what’s going to happen to old OBL. He’s crawfished and wheedled his way out of trouble for a long time now. But there's a new sheriff in town now." (Most of the tour folks saw the "new sheriff" comment as Bush's way of referring to himself.)

T-shirt guy followed up by asking if Bush thought OBL would be caught soon, and if he anticipated getting assistance from the UN or ANYONE to defray the multi-billion dollar monthly price tag for the war. Bush's response? "Damn, T-shirt guy -- you made me slice that last shot. That's a good question, but wait ‘til I finish my swing before you talk at me. Now what was the question again?"

Later, while strolling his 1600-acre ranch, Bush's concerns about the tough road ahead in Iraq weighed heavily on his mind, and made it difficult for him to fully enjoy the lovely views of his ranch's pristine creeks, canyons, waterfalls, meadows with grazing cattle and deer, and his private fishing lake. He had a steely-eyed, set-jawed firm response when asked about his critics’ characterization of his foreign affairs approach as "ineffective macho posturing."

"They don’t see my nuances," said Bush, tipping his Stetson back to expose the pecan-shade tan he’s acquired from the Texas sunshine. "Let them call me a macho poser to my face. Maybe a good ass-kickin’ from a pair of silver-tipped snakeskin Frye cowboy boots is the answer, let them see how they like the layin’-on-the-ground-bleedin’-in-the-dirt kinda posture, see if that changes their minds a bit."

With that, Bush headed off to an afternoon of stress-reducing swimming, fishing and tennis, followed by Tango lessons, a hot oil massage, a pig roast fundraiser with 1,100 friends and campaign contributors, and an evening of Charlton Heston and Friday the 13th films with his family at the ranch's multi-million dollar state-of-the-art media screening room.

Rancho Boguso indeed!
06.04.05 @ 12:43 PM EDT [link]

Ciao from Lago di Como!
Just checking in on a telecom-italia internet terminal literally 2 meters from the shores of beautiful Lake Como in Italy. It's in the ferry terminal across the street from my hotel. Spent the last two days bouncing between Bellagio, Menaggio, and Varenna in the center of the lake. Spectacular scenary, as known by anyone who has seen Star WarsEpisode II, particularly "The Kiss" in the wedding scene at the end, within sight of where I am writing this. Hope everyone enjoyed Danny's hilarious post! Well done! Many thanks again for continuing the great work in my absence. If you liked BrotherDan's post, tell him by signing the guestbook. Domani - per Riminini, vicino Mare Adriatico. Ciao!
05.31.05 @ 03:10 PM EDT [link]

Brother Dan: Re-worked draft of Bush speech shows Rove's influence

Karl Rove is arguably the most politically powerful man in the world today ... certainly, he's the most powerful unelected man.  Karl's reach in the White House is both deep and broad -- he touches all facets of all policies, from high-level, far-reaching strategy to low-level, short-term tactics. How Karl does his magic has long been a mystery.  But lucky us, a friendly mole in the White House has shined a light on Karl's handiwork by ferreting out an early draft of President Bush's 2005 State of the Union speech.  Recall that speech -- it was a stellar example of after-the-fact apple-polishing and grandiose generalities about emotionally-charged concepts like freedom, democracy and duty. The mole e-mailed me the file under the alias "Shallow Ear," a fanciful twist on the Woodward/Bernstein mole, Deep Throat, explaining that Shallow Ear is fitting "because these guys don't hear a thing their critics say." Well said, Mr. Ear.
The speech draft demonstrates clearly how Bush's, bare-knuckle verbiage is softened by Karl, who tweaks W's rhetoric to round off the rough edges for the average Joe. So, we get this...

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, Members of Congress, fellow citizens: As a new Congress continues its juvenile and partisan squabbles gathers, all of us in the Monarch branch elected branches of government share a great deal of ill-gotten profits privilege: we bullied our way into office with have been placed in office by deception, fraud, and voter intimidation the votes of the people we dupe serve. And tonight this is an intrusive obligation a privilege we share with newly appointed elected sympathetic fundamentalist strongmen puppets leaders of Afghanistan, the Palestinian territories, Ukraine, and a bloody and decimated free and sovereign Iraq.
Two weeks ago, I stood on the steps of this Capitol and pulled the wool over your eyes again with a bunch of late-to-the-game claptrap about liberty and freedom renewed the commitment of our Nation to the guiding ideal of liberty for all. This evening I will set forth policies that continue to hide my real goals of total domination and obscene profits continue to advance that ideal at home and around the world.



Tonight, with a sputtering and sickly healthy and growing economy, with more Americans going back to work at three jobs to pay the bills, with our Nation feared and despised by most countries around the world an active force for good in the world — the state of our union is sort of iffy and teetering confident and strong. Your Our generation has been conned blessed — by me and my greedy cronies by the expansion of opportunity, as we create distracting moral dilemmas about stem cell research by advances in medicine, and by the false sense of security purchased by our children's immense debt by our parents' sacrifice. We watch our children moving into debt slavery adulthood, we ask the question: What the hell did these imbeciles do to our great country, for God's sake!!! What will be the state of their union?

The choices that I make but pretend that we make together will answer that question. Over the next several months, on issue after issue, let us hope America does what Americans have always done -- hide their heads in the sand and and continue to support deceptive leaders who bankrupt the treasury to maintain the established power structure trust their leaders to build a better world for our children and grandchildren.



First, we must make people think we are be good stewards of this economy, and wreck renew the socialist great institutions on which millions of our lazy "gimme gimme" fellow citizens rely. America's economy is rapidly headed towards third-world status is the fastest growing of any major industrialized nation. In the past four years, we have emptied the treasury into the pockets of Republican donors provided tax relief to every person who pays income taxes, started overcome a recession, threatened our way into opened up new markets abroad, and protected prosecuted corporate criminals. When action was needed, the Congress shucked and jived delivered - and the Nation is on the brink of disaster grateful.



Now we must add to these crimes achievements. By bilking even more money making our economy more flexible, innovative, and competitive, we will keep America frightened, ignorant and compliant the economic leader of the world.



America's prosperity requires crushing all social spending restraining the spending appetite of the federal government except for more spending on the military. I try to eliminate bipartisan enthusiasm welcome the bipartisan enthusiasm for spending discipline. I will send you a miserable excuse for a budget that decimates America holds the growth of discretionary spending below inflation except for more spending on the military, makes irresponsible tax policy tax relief permanent, and stays on track to cut the deficit in half by 2009 except for more spending on the military. My failure of a budget eliminates jobs, hope, and sound judgment more than 150 government programs that have been sticking in my elitist craw for decades are not getting results, or duplicate current efforts, or do not fulfill essential priorities. The principle here is clear: back to the Gilded Age! taxpayer dollars must be spent wisely, or not at all.



In the three and a half years since September 11th, 2001, we Republicans have created a huge, bureaucratic under-funded and ineffective new department of government to defend our homeland, focused the FBI on spying on regular Americans preventing terrorism, begun to intimidate reform our intelligence agencies, ignored broken up terror cells across the country, avoided expanded research on defenses against biological and chemical attack, weakened improved border security, and postponed the training of trained more than a half million first responders. Police and firefighters, air marshals, researchers, and so many others are getting absolutely nothing from us and are scared out of their wits working every day to make our homeland safer, and we thank them all.



And finally, we will succeed in Iraq because whatever the outcome is, we'll define it as success! Iraqis are determined to fight for their own freedom, and to write the history we tell them to write their own history. As Franklin Roosevelt once reminded Americans, "each age is a dream that is dying, or one that is coming to birth." And we live in the country where the biggest dreams are being crushed as we speak born. The abolition of slavery sure put a crimp in profits was only a dream — until it was fulfilled. Our generation has dreams of its own. The road of Providence is uneven and unpredictable — yet we know where it leads: It leads to profits freedom.

05.30.05 @ 01:05 PM EDT [link]