[Previous entry: "Bear Right on Sesame Street"] [Main Index] [Next entry: "Feature of the Week"]

06/24/2005: "Focus Group at the Willard"

Scene: Willard Hotel conference room in Washington DC. Karl Rove: “Thanks for coming, everyone. I know that none of you have ever been part of a focus group before, so let me just reassure you that it’s very simple. I’ll mention an issue, and everyone should feel free to say anything they want about what the President’s policy on that issue should be. Ready? Good. Let’s start with the Inheritance Tax. Yes, you in the front.” “It’s absolutely essential that the repeal of the death tax be made permanent! It’s the only way to save family businesses from having to be broken up to pay it.” “Does anyone agree with that position?” (All hands go up.) “OK, since we have a consensus on that, let’s move on to the deficit. Yes, go ahead.” “I say that deficits don’t matter. What’s most important is that the country can meet its wartime obligations to secure the homeland while maintaining the low tax rates that our continued prosperity and strength require.” “How about that position? Does anyone agree?” (All hands go up.) “OK, let’s move on to the War in Iraq. What should the President’s policy be? You in the back.” “President Bush needs to stay the course! Fighting for freedom is a noble cause. If we cut and run, we’ll only encourage terrorists and dictators around the globe. Our losses are far fewer than in past conflicts, and spending on the war is good for the economy. Besides, we need more payback for 9/11. The Muslims need to know the consequences of attacking us!” “Does anyone agree with that position?” (All hands go up.) “Finally, let’s discuss Social Security. Yes.” (Pointing). “This country absolutely needs private retirement accounts. Why shouldn’t retirees get a decent return on their payroll contributions?” “Does anyone agree with that position?” (All hands go up.) “That certainly went quickly! In any case, the President has authorized me to make you a special offer. Each of you was selected for this focus group based on your seven figure contributions to the Party. If enough of you agree to double your contributions, the President guarantees to abide by the views you’ve expressed today, no matter what the polls say. Who is ready to support our President in this time of crisis for the Nation? (All hands go up.)

(Later, as Rove is debriefing Cheney). “This is a great deal, Dick. Not only do we increase the coffers, but the people in the Base that aren’t well-heeled actually like it when the Prez ignores the polls! Now that’s what I call a win-win!”