[Previous entry: "Family Conversation - II"] [Main Index] [Next entry: "Please Show Your Card"]

05/23/2005: "Norquist At Home"

“Honey, I’m Home!” “Grover, we need to talk about last night.” “What do you mean, Honey? It was a great party.” “Grover, you were even more over the top than usual.” Sheryl Crow’s tune “The First Cut Is the Deepest” emanates from Norqist’s pocket. “It’s my cell. Gotta take it. Yo!….What do you mean, what is our policy on the Criminal Proceeds Tax, whatever the hell that is!? We want to dump it, and if that can’t be done we want to cut it. Duh! Look, gotta go. Just send them the standard Taxes Are Theft packet…Yeah, later.” “That’s what I mean, Grover. Can’t you ever give it a rest? Everywhere we go, it’s ‘dump the X tax.' At church, you’re telling the preacher we need a sermon on how the death tax is a sin. At the principal’s office last week when we were supposed to be talking about Timmy’s grades it was how school taxes needed to be cut. Last weekend at Wal-Mart it was that scene you made about the sales tax. Really, Grover, don’t you think grabbing the clerk’s price check mike was going too far? And what do you have to say about your performance at the party last night? I don’t know how I’m ever going to show my face in front of Sandy again!” “What do you mean, Honey? Everyone seemed to like my shtick.” “Really, Grover, how can you think a hostess would be amused with what you did with the contents of her knife drawer!” Cell phone rings again. “Yo…Goddammit, Jack, I expect the same contribution from you as last year! In fact, we need more. Americans for Tax Reform has expenses, you know. We’re paying more for security, health care costs are up, it’s expensive traveling from state to state, and we’re paying more campaign subsidies than ever to get proper candidates elected. How can we possibly keep that up if our revenues are declining?! No more talk about cutting your contribution! Look, gotta go. What were you saying, Honey?” “Grover, you’re worst than Bob! Every party with Bob, it’s sex, sex, sex. It was funny at first, but it’s gotten out of hand. It’s the same with you. Can’t you talk about something other than tax, tax, tax when we’re out socially?” “Honey, I have a solemn responsibility to help preserve this country’s greatness. This country was founded on low taxes, and that’s where we need to go back to.” “Please, please don’t preach to me again! Christ, Grover, they didn’t have interstate highways and aircraft carriers back then either!” Norquist reaches into his briefcase. “Honey, it sounds like you’ve picked up some commie ideas down at the PTA. Here, take this Taxes Are Theft packet. We’ll go over it tonight. OK, I’m glad we had this talk, Honey. What’s for supper?”