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12/13/2004: "How to Talk to a Dittohead about Tax Cuts"

The trick to talking to a Dittohead about taxes is dodge dodging. Tax policy is where Dittoheads have perfected an impressive number of dodges to get around the basic problem with Dittohead tax policy, that it’s really dumb. I mean, even four year old kids know that if they won’t be getting that big lollipop if it costs a quarter but their allowance is only a dime. Dittoheads, on the other hand, believe they have a divine right to anything they want - interstates, military, disaster relief, homeland security, and a host of other goodies – even as taxes are being ratcheted down. To deal with this self-serving credo, Dittoheads have turned justifying tax cuts into a martial art. Why do you think they talk about “rounds” of cuts? They have perfected a series of aggressive moves – called dodges - designed to disable their opponent with a single blow. If you are to oppose them, you must master the counter to each dodge, and practice it until it is totally instinctive! Let’s do some simple sparring. You and your opponent are facing each other across the dojo, your sister-in-law’s kitchen. You both bow, and then he leads his attack with the WFA dodge: “Cleaning up government waste, fraud, and abuse will save more than enough to pay for the last round of tax cuts!” Without thinking you reply with “How convenient, the only government spending with no constituency! So why after 200 years is it still there? Maybe getting rid of it would cost more than it’s costing in the first place!” He comes back with the Every Dime Dodge (EDD). “Tax cuts worked! If liberals would cut out their sacred cow programs, there’d be no deficits.” Counter with “So you think that taxes only need to cover spending you personally agree with? What if everyone felt that way?” If he should at any point break through your defenses with an unexpected move, use the last-resort counter: “Sher Wright said you’d use that dodge!"