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11/28/2004: "How to Talk to a Dittohead about Loving America"

This is the first in our series of how to deal with jabs from Dittohead relatives delivered across the holiday table. As I suspected, this isn’t just a theoretical problem. Remember when I said I was just guessing that this would be something moderates and liberals would face at family get-togethers? Far be it for me to tar any of my relatives - even the in-laws - as Dittoheads. For one thing, they might happen to visit the site! Theoretically, that is, if I had Dittoheads in the family. Apparently Maureen Dowd of the NY Times has the problem in reality and in spades, as evidenced by her reprinting of a thoroughly obnoxious email sent around by her gloating brother after the election. Indeed, he followed Ann Coulter’s advice to the T’s: “don't be defensive, always outrage the enemy, and never apologize to, compliment, or show graciousness.” While turnabout is always fair play, I’m won’t be going out of my way to stick it back to those that stick first. On the other hand, maybe it’s a good life lesson for them. Yeah – that’s the ticket! Anyway, let’s get right to business of dealing with the lowest of the low blows a Dittohead relative might fling, the dig heard most often on the Rush show: “Liberals want America to fail in Iraq.” This of course is a topical version of the incessant Dittohead accusation that “Liberals hate America.” Here’s a strategy for playing it. Say “George (or whomever), you’re my (fill in relationship here) and I love you dearly, but imagine for the sake of argument that you really screwed up and were facing a lawsuit that could put a big dent in your kid’s inheritance, let alone their prospects for a college education. Would I want you to evade the consequences of your bad judgment? Absolutely! Would I be surprised if you didn’t? Nope. Would I be just a little conflicted if your bad judgment were rewarded? Maybe so. But would I take any pleasure if you took the hit you were asking for? Quite the contrary, if only because of Laura (or whomever) and the kids.” Then, if George has been particularly obnoxious, you might add the following, in the spirit of Annie C: “And by the way, George (or whomever), I love my country just fine, thank you very much, and if you don’t think so you can take that turkey leg over there and (fill in your personalized retort)!