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11/11/2004: "China Leading the Way for America!"

Of all the countries in the world, China has a unique political structure. This structure is called �One country, two systems.� The communist leadership of China likely isn�t crazy about having to go along with this, but it allowed them to get Hong Kong back as a golden goose rather than a Peking duck. Hong Kong�s flamboyant capitalism is a huge source of revenue for this particular Red State. They�re doubtless hoping that if they get �two systems� to work with Hong Kong, they�ll be successful in getting Taiwan back into the fold. You�ve doubtless already figured out where I�m going with this. Here it is: maybe the US should adopt �one country two systems.� Wouldn�t that be de facto recognition of the current political arrangement? I�ve traveled widely through both the entire US and throughout the world at large, and I have to say that sometimes the Red States I�ve visited seem like foreign countries. Indeed, they even speak a foreign language: Dittohead. It was during just such an extended sojourn in a Red State (Georgia, in case you were wondering) that I came to realize Dittohead�s status as not a regional dialect, but an entirely new language with English as its root (just like Italian is a distinct language with Latin as its root). Separate systems would provide the same benefit for the US that China�s two systems provide for it: prevention of military hostilities. Can we doubt, for example, that if Blue State gun controls were imposed on, say, Idaho, there�d be some shootin�? And consider that no cooler head than my wife is carefully reading labels so she can boycott Red State products. If today it�s boycott, who�s to say that tomorrow it won�t be a blockade. Next thing you know it�ll be CWII. Speaking as a Blue Stater, I wouldn�t like to see that - too much chance of being shot down on the flight over to California. So why don�t we all agree to disagree. Red States can run little theocracies, as long as they keep their smudgy fingers off the Constitution. And the Blue States will�well, I guess we�re already pretty much ignoring the Red States, so there won�t be much difference. It�s just a fantasy, of course. One thing I�ve learned about Dittoheads is that they never ever stop. They won�t be happy until all traces of Blue are gone. Here�s my advice: if you can�t deal with the idea of Reagan, Bush, and DeLay on your money, start stuffing your Washingtons, Lincolns, and Hamiltons in the mattress!