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11/08/2004: "What They Want"

There is a lot of talk about �values� and �morality� driving the GOP victory. But what exactly do those words mean to the Dittoheads using them? As one of the country�s leading authorities on the Dittohead language (OK, actually the country�s only authority), I have something to bring to the party on this. Dittoheads employ a usage for the term �morality� quite different from traditional usages. Traditional English usages of the term relate to treating others with respect and compassion. For example, contributing to the delinquency of a minor falls into the category of a morals crime, while volunteering to mentor a minor shows moral character. For Dittoheads, morality means being so zealous about your particular scriptural interpretations that having to actually convince others of the truth of these interpretations is a constraint just too vexing to tolerate. Handing out pamphlets on the corner just doesn�t do it for them. Let�s look very carefully and precisely at what they mean by morality. In their world view of a moral America, men with guns will show up at the houses of doctors who persist in providing medical services that only a minority of Americans want to criminalize. It would not matter if these doctors had distinguished themselves in long-term careers in obstetrics. It would not matter if they continued to perform the procedure to protect the health of their patients or as a matter of principle. Neither would it matter to them if doctors just over the state line perform the same procedures perfectly legally. What they want is for the doctors to have to spread �em in their foyers and be led away in handcuffs. They want these doctors gang-raped in prisons. The most extreme elements (e.g., the newly elected senator from Oklahoma) want these doctors dragged to execution chambers so that their families can witness their lethal injection. Recall these images the next time you hear a Dittohead politician (for example, a president), use the terms �morals� or �values.�