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10/06/2003: "The Shameless Liberal Media Strikes Again"

I must do my duty in adding my voice to the chorus of “foul play” over the vicious, unfair, and, yes, criminal attacks launched by the liberal media, particularly the LA Times, on the Schwarzenegger campaign. We must concur with the words of Rob Stutzman, a spokesman for Arnold: “This is unprecedented gutter, last-minute, gotcha journalism…They’re unfit to own a printing press, and we’re not going to take it.” Rob has clearly nailed this issue; all we can do is to help fill in some of the details on his impassioned and articulate “J’Accuse!” First, if the LA Times had anything real they clearly would have published it early in the campaign, i.e., the first day or two. Since Arnold declared his candidacy way back in August, started running in earnest in September, and here we are into October – two whole months later! - the “statue of limitations” on any expose has clearly long since run out. The Time’s weak excuse that “we put the story in the paper when it was finished” was clearly a dodge. How much time could it take to find the dozen or so alleged “victims” and investigate their stories? Also, something is fishy that more of them didn’t come forward earlier. Any real victim would have recognized her patriotic duty to report inappropriate behavior by a huge Hollywood star the instant it occurred. There’s no way that such accusations could have had negative effects on their careers in the entertainment industry – that just wouldn’t be American! So why else remain silent unless every one of them was making it up in order to steal a bit of Arnold’s hard-earned fame. His supporters were clearly justified in calling these women “lesbians” at the press conference, given their claim of “discomfort” at being pinned on beds and in corners of elevators and groped by one of the world’s manliest stars. A real woman would have gotten REALLY HOT to have Arnold’s hands up her skirt. The LA Times tried to throw up a smokescreen with their statement that “after the story ran, Schwarzenegger acknowledged much of it”, a grave misrepresentation of Arnold’s apology. He was clearly talking about things he did while the cameras were rolling (he’s an actor, after all). Finally, how could these accusations have any merit if Arnold was able to announce his candidacy on Leno, considering that Jay is one of the nation’s most tireless champions of sexual ethics and morality? Consider Leno’s relentless pursuit of Bill Clinton’s heinous crimes even so many years after they occurred! You can be sure that Leno would never stoop to the gutter level of the LA Times by, say, putting on a skit that pokes fun at the sexual peccadilloes of a genuine American hero! (Arnold, not Bill).

p.s. Lots of new definitions in the Devil’s Dictionary which now acknowledges the crucial role of Rush Limbaugh’s Dittoheads in its formulation.