Sher's Spotlight Page on Karl Rove

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Top 10 Reasons Bush Won!

George's New Ride

This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann

White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior

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Fourth Grade Economics Midterm

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Sher's Spotlight Page for Karl Rove, Architect of the Extreme Right Wing Hijack of the Republican Party

Political Advisor Karl Rove's influence on President George W. Bush is such that he has been plausibly described in a number of well-researched books as a “Co-President.” He has relentlessly focused on political conquest apparently since infancy, using every arrow in the quiver. From what Sher reads (and sees for himself in GOP political ads), some of those arrows maybe ought to be banned by the Geneva Convention! He’s been a major force behind the thought pollution that is the modern political campaign. And there he is, reportedly wielding enormous influence over US policy. It also looks very much like he uses this influence for the political destruction of anyone that is not among the favored constituencies of Big-C Conservatism. There’s even a term for it: The "Mark of Rove." Now that just doesn’t seem very Moderate!

Ever since Sher started reading about Rove, particularly his ascent from local political hack to the inner circle of US policy formulation, a particular Gilbert and Sullivan ditty has been playing more or less continuously in his head. Gilbert and Sullivan would have never bypassed such a rich lode for humor as can be mined from a political operative wielding tremendous influence over the policy of the world’s greatest superpower. In fact, they roared into political situations exactly like this, achieving literary immortality in the process. One of their most famous pieces, a piece Sher has loved since his infancy, seemed to fit so perfectly that he just had to write it down, if only to free up some brain cells for the day job.

So this one’s for you, Karl. Sorry if it’s maybe just a little bit personal.

When Karl Was a Lad

Apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan, but humbly offered in their spirit.

Original words/tune Glossary Karl's Dictionary Definition

When I was a lad I served a term

As tech support in a push polling firm

I defragged Windows and the data store

And I wheeled auto-dialers through the unmarked door

Chorus:       He wheeled auto-dialers through the unmarked door!

I wheeled auto-dialers so carefully

That now I am the source of US Policy!

Chorus:       He wheeled auto-dialers so carefully

                    That now he is the source of US Policy!

In tech support I was such a hit

That they put me in charge of the swing shift pit

I assigned the scripts with a smile so bland

And I checked off all the call lists with a big round hand

Chorus:       He checked off all the call lists with a big round hand!

I checked off all the call lists with a hand so free

That now I am the source of US Policy!

Chorus:       He checked off all the call lists with a hand so free

That now he is the source of US Policy!

In swing shift ops I made such a name

That a fat cat canvasser I soon became

I wore green BanLon and a leisure suit

For the tax cut seminar at Cato Institute

Chorus:       For the tax cut seminar at Cato Institute!

Those tax cut seminar slides did so well for me

That now I am the source of US Policy!

Chorus:       Those tax cut seminar slides did so well for he

                    That now he is the source of US Policy!

Of fat cat donations I acquired such a grasp

I became a consultant unbelievably fast

When I worked with candidates collegially

T’was the only college to award me their degree

Chorus:       T’was the only college to award him their degree!

But that kind of college so suited me

That now I am the source of US Policy!

Chorus:       But that kind of college so suited he

                    That now he is the source of US Policy!

I grew so hot that I became

The most feared opponent on any campaign

By going negative and waving the flag

And dumping piles of currency from overstuffed bags

Chorus:       And dumping piles of currency from overstuffed bags!

I won so much they rewarded me

By making me the source of US Policy!

Chorus:       He won so much they rewarded he

                    By making him the source of US Policy!

Now young Cons all whoever you may be

If you want to rise to the top of the tree

If your soul isn’t captive to a focus group

Be careful to be guided by Karl Rove’s straight poop

Chorus:       Be careful to be guided by Karl Rove’s straight poop!

Stick close to the Base and never tasteful be

And you all may be source of US Policy!

Chorus:       Stick close to the Base and never tasteful be

                    And you all may be source of US Policy!

                                            Glossary

Push Poll: a hard sell for a political candidate or policy disguised as a "survey."

Auto-dialer: that nifty piece of machinery telemarketers use to dial dozens of phone numbers at the same time.

Defrag: a technical process for making sure those telemarketing computers are as efficient as possible.

Data Store: the master list of marks to hit up for political contributions. A special Rove area of expertise.

Swing shift: the prime telemarketing work shift, encompassing dinnertime.

Pit: another name for a telemarketing boiler room. The exterior doors are unmarked in the hope that outsiders will assume that porn movies are being made, as opposed to a disreputable activity like political telemarketing.

Script: used by telemarketing campaign managers to ensure that the wage-slaves on the phones stay on message.

Base: the Fringe, who will provide copious dough and muscle if you let them call the shots.

College Degree: something our Source of US Policy never actually got around to getting.