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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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M Macaca A term Dittoheads like Sen George Allen use to self-identify, not unlike a birdcall or dog’s bark. Another example is the phrase "sure I'd vote for him again!" Machine Gun If muzzle-loading colonial militia Gun can't be regulated, that should go in spades for the modern militia’s version, shouldn’t it? Happily, Judge Alito gets it! Madman The Leader of a Foreign Country with Oil (except if he’s a Shiek or Prince). Magic The central force of Nature under Creation Science, which properly recognizes that God’s handiwork isn’t Perfect enough to operate without His constant tweaking. Magician A performer who presents the audience with apparent Miracles. All but the most gullible realize it’s a trick but applaud nonetheless. Today's popular magicians include David Copperfield, Blackstone, and our favorite, George W. Bush. Maintenance Taxes needed to keep up Infrastructure. It’s Government Money that gets spent locally and thus technically qualifies as Pork, but it’s not getting anybody Reelected. Think of it as Pork that’s been left in the sun too long. Majesty A term Liberally given by our Leader of the Free World to Middle-Eastern strongmen, showing his Respect for the majestic and accelerating piles of Money that Americans have been shipping to them every year he's been in Office. Majority of the Majority How we wield Power when we’re in charge by not considering any Bill a single Democrat Vote is needed to pass. Think of it as Bi-Partisanship, except spelled “bye-" as in “bye-bye losers!” Majority Rule The central principle of Democracy, as long as we’re the majority party. Does not apply to Foreign Countries (for example, the majority of Iraqis who support attacks on our troops). Make Believe The “suspension of disbelief” that young girls and old Legislators need when they are playing House. Make the Difference A phrase being used by Republican Politicians pushing making Bush’s Tax Cuts Permanent to Jump Start the Economy. It refers to the difference they’re making economists point out, that this won’t have any immediate Value as a Stimulus because the cuts don’t expire until the next decade. Malpractice Costly Mistakes by Doctors, like when they hit up HMOs for yet more expensive tests. Manageable 1. Able to achieve short-term objectives, as in “Large deficits enable investment in economic stimulus (see Tax Cuts) and are manageable, since voters don’t connect huge interest payments to economic malaise.” 2. (Archaic) Able to achieve long-term objectives, as in “Preserving Social Security will not be manageable in the face of interest payments approaching a half Trillion dollars and a historic reversal in the number of retirees per wage-earner.” Mandate Getting one stinkin' Vote more than you need for Election! Many-Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics Besides Creationism, the only Scientific theory we like, since in one of those parallel universes we must have achieved Victory in Iraq by now. Mantra “A repeated acoustic formula whose sound shape embodies the energy-level of a deity.” Our ever-repeating Energetic Holy acoustic formula is “taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts-taxcuts…” Mardi Gras A Global annual Excuse to pull out the stops for a big Party. We do it better, though. In the spirit of American Exceptionalism, our Grand Old Party is every day. Market Per Conservative dogma, the most efficient mechanism for resolving the difficult Issues that arise with allocation of a scarce resource. A scarcity problem is resolved by Sluurrping the resource so quickly that it's Expended before you know it. Problem efficiently solved! Mark of Rove Like fingerprints on Glass, an indication that a certain GOP Operative has been working his Magic. For example, the Iraq War’s mark of Rove is as ever-present as Kilroy was Here in WWII. The latest MoR venue is McCain Campaign ads (see Negative). Marriage The union, ordained by God, between one man (see Bush) and one extreme right wing (see Base). Mars When a planet is named for the god of War, you just know we have to get there. Martin Luther King Day When the idea came up we argued that “he shouldn’t be the only American with his own holiday.” We let it go, though, since holidays, like Tax Cuts, reduce Government revenues. Who says we never give an inch? Massacre A periodic opportunity for advocates of the Right to Bear Arms to helpfully point out that if everyone packed Guns like cellphones then the Shooter might have been taken out after a Body Count of just four or five. Math The science of numbers. Our favorite branch is imaginary number theory (see Budget). Matter An indication of importance. We hold it as a Tenet that Deficits don’t matter, since they have no impact on Reelection. Maverick Being full of Surprises, like being down on Negative Campaigning and then a few seconds later becoming the king of Mud and Slime. May Day The day the old Soviet Union used to show off their new Military hardware. We like to do it pretty much every day. McCain Our champion for the Conservative Tenet that the old ways are best. Means How Conservatives achieve important ends (i.e., anything we happen to want at any particular point in time). While sometimes our means break the rules (see Whatever it Takes), we only do this when the ends are important. Measure A Means of achieving an end, like Bush’s touting his War on Earmarks as an Economic Stimulus measure. While this particular measure doesn’t help the Money economy (since decreasing the Government Spending represented by earmarks actually de-stimulates economic activity) it is a great Example of the economy of words that makes for a good sound bite. Medal 1. Recognition for Combat valor. You can bet that Bush and Cheney never threw theirs away! 2. A kind of “Scarlet Letter” we wear to show atonement for our Mistakes. Medal of Freedom Our substitute for the dunce cap. Past awardees include George “Nigerian Scam - Yellowcake Edition” Tenet and Paul “Operation Iraqi Chaos” Bremer, and our most promising Candidate is Mike “Looks like they dodged the bullet” Miller from FEMA. Media 1. An evil collection of enemies intent on destroying all that America stands for. 2. The means by which Rush, Ann, and Leno dispense Conservative truth (pardon the redundancy). This is a special zone where we don’t Spin the Facts. Why beat around the Bush when outright Lying is just so much more straightforward? Medical Losses The term Health insurers use when they have to Spend some of the Money that people have been Paying them. On the other hand, if Medical conditions don’t get treated, they Win. In other words, no Pain, no gain. Medical Waste A material that comes in two varieties: 1) icky stuff produced by medical operations and 2) leftovers from fertility treatments. The latter has great potential for lifesaving technology (see Stem Cell Technology), so it’s essential that both kinds be flushed, to prevent Immorality. Meds The term Rush put in the spotlight when he did a video diagnosis (see Dr. Sen. Frist) of Michael J Fox’s prescription Drug Blood levels. You won’t see Rush off his prescription meds, even the ones he doesn’t have a prescription for! Meeting Expectations How Bush is describing the Success of the Surge. It’s True, of course, if you consider that he defined his expectations in 2005 by describing the War in Iraq as “more difficult than we expected.” Meltdown 1. What happens to a reactor in the absence of a moderating substance. No wonder it has been applying to Bush! For one thing, there sure aren’t any moderators around him. He’s also a reactor (or at least not a proactor). 2. An Industrial Catastrophe usually caused by the operators being asleep at the switch. 3. The Performance indicator that can be used to track how well we’ve been following our Tenet that less Government is better. By that reckoning, Bush has the most accomplished administration in History! Memorial Day The day that Conservatives patriotically recall the names of the Dead from past Wars. It's also the day that Liberals make a cheap Political Statement by recalling the names of the dead from the current war. Mental Recession 1. The term used by McCain’s Campaign Co-Chair to describe the current Economic condition. 2. The condition demonstrated by McCain’s Co-char by saying this. Mercenary A Soldier of Fortune. The phrase is particularly apt considering the gobs of Money they get from jumping over from the Government Army. It’s yet one more example of the Victory of the Free market over Communism! Mess A great reason for Citizens to Vote for Bush. Who would know more about cleaning up messes like Iraq and the Deficit than the one who created them in the first place? Message The words a doll outputs when its talk ring is pulled, communicating at a level of consistency to which all Conservative Politicians aspire (and that Bush consistently exceeds). Messenger For the Bush Administration, this is the press secretary, so now you know who gets Shot when things go Wrong! Micromanagement As related to the Constitutional Responsibility of Congress to approve funding of War, a term associated with Oversight greater than the level known to Government Budget wonks as “blank check.” Military 1. An organization somewhat like the US Olympic Team, but with a less regular performance schedule. A major source of US commercial capital. Has a secondary role for preventing invasion by the other nations of the North American continent. 2. (Archaic) An institution that, under Liberal Presidents Lincoln and Eisenhower, acted against States’ Rights Patriots (imagine!) to “preserve the Constitution,” and that, under Eisenhower, allied with a global Coalition of Foreign Countries (shocking!) to defeat overt military aggression by would-be world dictators. As if this weren’t enough, Eisenhower, as President, actually had the effrontery to try to balance spending on the Military to the threat of armed aggression (Stop! I can’t take it! How did the country survive so many Liberal commanders-in-chief!) Military Spending 1. A highly-effective Strategy for Bankrupting an Enemy, employed by Reagan against the old Soviet Union to Win the Cold War. 2. One of the very largest components of the Government Budget, currently greater than that of all developed countries combined, largely financed by Borrowing (see Deficit). 3. Something Posterity won't need to worry about, since we're Solving the world's Diplomatic problems for them (see Bush Foreign Policy). They can Show their gratitude by upping our Social Security benefits. Thanks to Jack Kemp for pointing out, in his 9/30/03 San Diego Union Tribune column, the debt of gratitude Posterity owes us for the military spending debt we're passing down to them. Mine A hole in the ground from which wealth is extracted (see Campaign Contributions). A mine is a terrible thing to waste! Mineral Rights They're like eating lobster. You can’t avoid a mess, and there’s a lot you have to throw away, but all in all it makes for an excellent feast. Minorities A group of misguided people who don’t understand that preserving our Privileges and Advantages is good for them. Miracle A kind of Success that actually worked. Mishandle Our handle when we talk on the CB radio. Missiles Shoulder-fired anti-aircraft weapons prized as the Holy Grail by Terrorists after these weapons defeated the Soviets in Afghanistan. Happily, Bush has neutralized the risk that Saddam would give Al Qaeda some of his stocks. As soon as we buy back the 4,000 that disappeared during the Invasion, we’ll have nothing to worry about! Mission Accomplished 1. See Iraq. 2. (Archaic) A milestone event marking the completion of a mission. Mistake We thought we made one of these once but we were Wrong. Mitt 1. Molded insulation for handling a hot potato. 2. A Candidate who molds his handling of hot-potato issues around insulating his campaign from how he handled them in the past. Mixed An adjective used to hedge or qualify. For example, the Dittohead phrase “mixed success” is best translated into English as “a friggin’ disaster.” Mock 1. Fake or false, as in a mock Execution. 2. A Conservative Politician's complimenting a Democratic Candidate, like McCain saying Hillary “Inspired Women all over the world.” Moderate Republican 1. Huh? 2. (Archaic) Term for certain marginal historical figures, including Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, and Dwight Eisenhower. In disuse since 1980. Moderation A tactic used in Conservative ad campaigns and negotiations. Used in ad campaigns when the focus is Soccer Moms. Used in negotiations as part of a classic “good cop, bad cop” strategy. The “bad cop” offers up a sensible but, sadly, unachievable Conservative position sure to generate enough Liberal Lies (pardon the redundancy) to alienate Soccer Moms. The “good cop” then introduces a “moderate” version of the proposal with everything we actually hoped to achieve during this tiresome period when we have to kowtow to diverse (i.e., Liberal) opinion (patience, patience). Money It doesn’t grow on Trees. You have to chop them down first (see National Forests). Money Talks A phrase validated by the Supreme Court when it Ruled that Congress can’t limit the amount a Rich Candidate Spends on his own campaign because his Money equates to Speech. Who says the Justices want to Trash the Bill of Rights! Monkey The replacement for the Elephant as the new GOP mascot, as revealed by Dittohead Senator George Allen (see Macaca) and pet names for our lobbying clients (see Abramoff). Moolah An affectionate term (see Abramoff) for the Money we use to purchase the Power we use to generate the Pork we use to earn even more Moolah! Moon An uncultured act of of derision. We’re mooning Posterity by going there now but making them pay for our fun. Literally, More Out Of Non-voters. Moral The meaning of a story. Our stories always end with “happily ever after” since the moral is always “there is Free lunch!” Moral Compass The instrument behind our compulsion to needle people who don’t belong to our church. Moral Confusion Liberal spinelessness about getting caught in the middle of the Civil War that’s kicking off between Iraq’s Muslim denominations. Moral Majority The organization started by the recently DOA James Falwell. It was founded on an innovative answer to the Question “What Would Jesus Do.” Falwell’s answer was that Christ would slam those Prison doors shut! Morality 1. Putting People in Prison if they don’t act like Conservatives. (Note: morality never constrains conservative behavior because conservatives are naturally Moral). 2. (Archaic) Certain quaint practices revealed by Conservative Think Tanks to impose excessive constraint on Conservative policies, particularly relating to Posterity. In disuse since 1980. Moral Disintegration The Increasingly decrepit state of American Culture as evidenced by the Actions of Liberal Politicians. The only cure is to pile up more Debt on upcoming Generations to Pay for new faith-based Government services. More of the Same Our Answer to all this Liberal Talk about Change. We agree with Wordsworth: “I long for a repose that is ever the same.” And what Candidate could better represent this Ideal than McCain? Mormon Mitt’s Religion, associated with: 1. strong Family Values 2. tremendous Work Ethic 3. A Bible translated from Egyptian on Golden plates from a US hillside that says the trinity is Wrong. While charitable People might say that two out three ain’t bad, our attitude is that #3 is a trinity of strikes. Mortgage A financial instrument employed by the great Majority of consumers, representing their greatest source of Borrowing. Since there are a LOT of consumers, that’s a LOT of borrowing. Considering Bush’s Legacy of accumulating Debt, it should be no Surprise that mortgages Exploded (see Sub-Prime) on his watch! Most Conservative A mantle each GOP Candidate is scrambling to don, the same presently worn by George W Bush. The Irony is that this particular emperor has no clothes (see Low Polls). Mortality The Conservative Politician's best friend. It means we don't need to worry about having to personally Pay back the Money we're Borrowing. Mothers Day A picture is worth 1,000 words. Movie Filmed entertainment dramatizing the human condition, for example The Crying Game, about discovering that someone you love is a Homosexual. While the plot parallels the relationship between a particular Red State and its Senior Senator, the movie actually came first. Mud The original writing medium as practiced by the Sumerians on cuneiform tablets. Conservative Authors still use it as the writing medium for their Political Books. Mug Shot A special kind of photograph. When the subject is smiling, it must be an important Conservative figure (see DeLay). Lately, this seems to be the only kind! Mulligan Trying again without consequences after screwing something up (see Stay the Course). Murphy The guy who said “anything that can go wrong will go Wrong.” He was clearly a man ahead of his time (or, more precisely, Bush’s time.) |
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