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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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H 100 Years War A famous Conflict that actually lasted 116 years. In contrast, blink and you’ll miss McCain’s mere century of involvement with Iraq! Habeas Corpus The Legal Tenet established in Medieval times that putting someone in Prison requires annoying paperwork. With those medievals being too Liberal for our taste, we’ve taken to calling it habeas corpse. A term Bush recently used to describe Cheney’s attitude about Iraq. While most Voters saw this as yet another example of him being tongue-tied, he was actually on the level. He just meant it in the sense of “half gl-assed.”Halfrican-American Rush’s “Imus” name for Barak Obama. He’s qualified to comment on who’s a Real American based on his Cherokee origins, where the name Limbaugh means Chews Herbs. Halliburton A company with an unbreakable connection (known in federal circles as a "chainey") to Government contracts for items not available from any other source, for example, the arcane hydrocarbon compound that chemical engineers call "gasoline." Halloween An American institution where scary characters delight people in their homes by repetitively shouting medieval phrases. Also known as “Fox News.” Halloween Decoration A blow-up figure of a scary character like a witch, spider, or bat. The most popular item on GOP lawns this Fall, incorporating all of these elements, is the inflated nine-foot Speaker Pelosi. Hammer and Sickle The symbol of Communism, chosen as the essential tools of 20th Century society. They’d have done better with Conservatism’s essential tools for 21st Century society, the Gun and Handcuffs. Handcuffs A tool for improving American Science (see Stem Cell Research). We’re experts in their use across many fields. Handshake A Traitorous Act when given to a Foreign Leader from a country considered a traditional adversary (unless accompanied by a look into his soul). Hand Signal A way to communicate an entire phrase with a single gesture. Since we’ve been controlling the Government, the most common gesture we see is fingerpointing, which is shorthand for the phrase “we screwed up again." Handsome The next frontier of word redefinition Rights after Gay Marriage. Why should only handsome men get to be called that? We need a Law to declare every man to be handsome if he wants to say he is! Hanger If women end up not following our friendly advice about not getting Abortions, this is our surgery tool of Choice for preserving their Morality. Happy Talk The primary output from Bush Economic Policy. It doesn’t require any Thinking ahead, and it also leverages a Natural Conservative Strength (see Lying). Hard Work The tiresome period between Vacations. Thank God for lunch break! Harsh Punishment The Logical Conservative answer to Criminal acts, for example by suicide bombers and school Shooters. There's an exception to every Rule of Law, of course, and ours is Cronies. Has A word used in phrases like “Saddam has WMD.” This can be a true statement, depending on what your definition of “has” is. Hatchet 1. The implement Washington used to chop down the cherry tree, an Act he refused to Lie about. 2. In contrast, a kind of Job done every four years by Conservative Authors. Hate A supercharged form of Anger that generates even more Campaign Contributions. Head Something that people lose all the time, even in the US. Just read True Detective. So what if people are losing their heads in Iraq? It just means they’re getting more like us, which is what we all wanted, right? Head of State 1. When the GOP is in Power, the President. 2. When the Democrat Party is in power, a Moderate Republican with a whim to be granted. Headwind The GOP's favored Excuse for Losing, since it sounds much better than the phrase it replaces: “We ran the Country into a ditch.” Health An Industry named for the healthy profits it generates for our Campaign Contributors. Health Care Abortion Provision A way of getting Pro-Life Republicans to not Vote for your Health Care Bill in a somewhat less emphatic way. Also called Copout. Health Care Bill 1. Democratic version: a voice declaring that disease is to be treated. 2. Republican version: an invoice declaring that disease is to be Profitable. Health Insurance Industry With the Gun Industry, one of the very few segments of the Economy that Profits from Death. The difference is that gun manufacturers get Paid to Help make someone dead, while a health insurer benefits when a Patient they were paying to keep alive finally kicks off. Imagine the merger they’d make! (see Death Squad). Hearing A meeting where we have to let Liberals talk. Not to be confused with listening (See Party Line Vote). Hearts and Minds 1. The best Targets. 2. The key factor in the Success of an Occupation. Performing Conservative Social Experiments on your pet Foreign County is a sure bet for Winning the hearts and minds of the Base. Heckofajob A Bush attaboy, given in situations when Failure is not an Option. Awarded most recently to Dennie, in recognition of his non-failure with the Page program. Heir An Inheritance lottery winner. Pronounced the same as “air,” probably based on the substance they provide to the accumulation of their Legacy. Helping the Enemy Pointing it out when Bush violates laws. What a poor example for Foreign Countries striving for Democracy! (The pointing out, not the violating). Heredity According to the Church of Conservatism, it’s God’s way of making sure the Right People have Money and Power. Heroes 1. People of Courage who are willing to overcome adversity in pursuit of what’s Right. Let Liberals excoriate them for running up the Debt, making the whole world Hate us, and rewarding America’s most productive people with Tax Cuts! They’re so steadfast it just rolls right off their backs. 2. (Archaic) Combat veterans awarded Medals like the Silver Star. Hezbollah A term meaning “Party of God.” Apparently they didn’t realize they're Plagiarizing the name now that Ann has copyrighted it for the Republican Party. Highways Civil engineering projects that flatten of a long swath of Trees and deposit a thick coating of Petroleum products from the Middle East. They also generate lots of votes (see Pork). In other words, a kind of Government spending with no down side. Hiking the Appalachian Trail A Colorful addition to the English language by Dittohead Governor Mark Sanford, building on a literary tradition begun by Shakespeare with “making the two-backed beast.” Hillary The Mother of Dittohead, "The face and headband that launched a thousand Rants." Hinder To do something that causes a Delay in Support for the Troops, for example Democrats using non-binding text in a Budget bill. Bush’s Veto isn’t a delay because Legislators should have figured out by now that he’s a force of nature, like gravity. Who would blame gravity for no Money? Hint A kind of Diplomacy in which a Leader makes a subtle allusion to a Negative outcome, like Bush's Nuanced mention of World War III when talking about Iran. Hire To give a Person a Job. The Choice should always be based on credentials, for example a Rhodes scholarship or top grades in the Ivy League. These are Examples of the most important kind of credential for a Government position as a Lawyer in the Department of Justice: the disqualifying kind, since the holder couldn't possibly be a Loyal Bushie. History A summary of events that reveals a Truth, like when McCain said in 2003 “there’s no history of clashes that are violent between Sunnis and Shiites.” Hitler If we have a poster boy, he’s it (who else would it be now that nobody remembers who Willie Horton is anymore?). As a useful Political symbol, Adolph’s right up there with the Flag. 2. A Blue State Hero (a Fact recently revealed by Senator “Saint Rick” Santorum). OK, maybe Blue Staters don’t share Adolph’s enthusiasm for Invasions, Patriotic Rallies, Indefinite Detention, and Executions, but just remember that “Nazi” is short for “National Socialism” and Liberals love socialism (see Social Security). HMO A key block of Conservative Campaign Contributors. Literally “How Money Originates.” Hoax A Truth that, if picked up by the public at large, would Cost Rush some Money. Hockey Mom Just what America needs, if America needs a ride to the rink. Hogwash How Cheney describes the misguided notion that there were Mistakes in Iraq (although he actually means Hedgehogwash.) Hold 1. A senatorial prerogative, for example the hold GOP Senator DeMint has put on a new head of the Department of Homeland Security for something having to do with unions. 2. A pause in Warfare, for example Terrorists graciously putting their attacks on hold until Senator DeMint’s Labor concerns have been met. Hold 1. Derailing installation of dozens of the President’s appointees, as recently performed by the Senator from Toyota, Shelby of Alabama. 2. The reason he’s doing it, so that Alabama can hold ribbon-cutting ceremonies for all the buildings his courageous stand for Pork is intended to produce. Holocaust A great evil, as Norquist recently pointed out with great sensitivity and Compassion. Specifically, his point that reinstating the Inheritance Tax would be an equivalent evil showed great sensitivity and compassion for the potential victims of the Death Tax. Holy A characteristic that Conservatives have in far greater abundance than thou. Ho A word used by gansta rappers in their CDs, which means that, on the theory that All the Kids Do it, any old bleached-blond Dittohead broadcasting over the public airwaves to millions gets to say it about whoever he wants whenever he wants with absolutely no consequences. Hobby A favored interest. While many think Bush’s hobby is Biking, it’s really playing War in the sandbox his Dad set up. A hobby like that is almost as good as Vacation! Homeowner Someone who Owns a House. With all of his homes, McCain is already in the top echelons. If his Government Mortgage Bailout Plan goes through, he’ll be the Guinness record-holder! Homosexual A Liberal who has Chosen a particularly Nasty way to spite the parents. Homosexuality A condition often accompanied by behavioral clues, for example limp wrists or a strong anti-Gay Political agenda. Honesty A GOP Candidate’s most precious asset. A reputation for Honor and Integrity, carefully groomed over a long career, is absolutely essential! It makes the Lies in his Television Campaign ads much more Believable. Honor The fundamental basis of trust. It's why our Campaign Contributors trust us to honor their requests - they know we'll always come through for them. Hoover The President who, as the Depression-era Economy was going south, said “the fundamentals of the economy are strong.” No, wait...that was McCain. Hope An audacious emotion, no more so than Rush’s fervent hoping that Obama’s Plan to Save America from a Depression is a big fat flop. Hornets Nest A blatant Security threat. Normal Conservative behavior is to seek these out and whack them! Hot Spot 1. A geographical area where there is official approval of high pollution levels, for example because an older plant has purchased our pollution credits. Named for the level of Campaign Contributions that plant owners produce. 2. (Archaic) A geographical area where there is official approval of high pollution levels, for example industrial areas in Communist countries. Named for the level of toxic chemicals like mercury that plant smokestacks produce. Hot War Here's what Ike had to say on the same topic as Bush's recent statements on how we could have had Victory in Viet Nam if we'd only Stayed the Course: Eisenhower on Viet Nam. House A building set up for everyday living with furniture like beds and couches. In Government, the House is set up for Grandstanding. Hubris A special form of Arrogance, as special - and as arrogant - as Exceptionalism. Humiliation The principal technique of Conservative interpersonal relations. It is thus the approach we are using in Iraq to Win Hearts and Minds and to get to Mission Accomplished. Hurricane An act of God that, when viewed with the proper attitude (i.e. Bush’s), makes the country stronger by motivating reconstruction that creates Jobs, thus lifting the Economy and enabling more Tax Cuts. Hype Any Truth the Media’s pushing that’s Inconvenient. Hypocrisy The Ethical Flexibility to advocate multiple conflicting positions. A key Conservative Fundraising edge, since donor Bases are tied to positions, so the more positions the merrier! Hypothetical A kind of attack requiring massive retaliation (see Iraq). |
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