Sher Wright's Devils Dictionary Project

Press Releases

Sher's Blog Archive Hits

Top 10 Reasons Bush Won!

George's New Ride

This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann

White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior

This Ain't Your Grandma's Party!

Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money

Fourth Grade Economics Midterm

Appreciating God's Handiwork

My Pitch to the Club for Growth

Fabrication A special human relations Performance management technique being implemented by the Bush DOJ to ensure Fairness for Cronies needing Prosecutor Jobs held by others. We got the idea from the other ways we’re pursuing Justice (see Gitmo).

Face Hating to be embarrassed, as in “saving face.” Also, our approach to debate, as in “in your face.” Also, attractive but lacking in substance, as in “face man.” Also, false sincerity, as in “straight face.” In short, a word that is us “on its face!” (except we don’t do “face up” or “face the music”).

Facts An Actor's lines as transmitted from the Think Tanks where they are composed. Or is that Fax? Same difference.

Failed The standard summary label for a Liberal Program.

Fairness The ultimate foundation for Justice, attained when People are rewarded for Hard Work. A perfect example is Rove’s favorite Operative being rewarded with one of the vacant Jobs as Department of Justice Prosecutor made available after a sudden epidemic of poor Performance.

Fallujah The Iraqi version of a time-share condo. Once you buy in, you’re goin' back every year!

Family Values Hating Homosexuals, Abortion Doctors, and Liberal Gun-grabbers.

Far Future The point when it will finally be possible to judge the value of Invading Iraq, earlier assessments (for example, as part of Election rhetoric) being grossly premature. So get off our case.

Fatal Illness A valuable tool for maintaining high Moral standards. When a new medical treatment arises (like vaccination for cervical cancer) it needs to be vigorously opposed lest continued Life results in Immorality.

Favor How a Conservative Helps out a friend, like Rush’s claim to be railing against the GOP Nominee because a Limbaugh Love Letter would hurt McCain with Moderates.

FBI Freedom’s a Bygone Impediment (see Enemy Combatant).

Fear Mongering A word Bush recently used when complaining about Liberal Whining about his Immigration Bill. And who knows it better!

FEC The Federal Election Commission, where, together with the DOJ, we get the most mileage from installing Partisan hacks, since they not only get GOP Candidates Elected but then keep them out of Prison when they do what they have to do.

Federal Case The standard Conservative response to a botched Liberal joke. Not to be confused with fulfilling some Government Duty.

Feel To experience the Pain of People you care about, for example as Triggered in George W Bush by the Cost of Oil. Happily, a President has the Power to do something about it, which is why his Big Oil Conies have been feeling less pain every year of his Presidency.

Felony 1. Intentional Leak of Secret information by anyone other than the President, since he has the Constitutional Power to declassify. 2. A Crime by anyone other than the President, since he has the Constitutional power to pardon.

FEMA The Government agency responsible for damage control. They’ve had some problems lately, caused by being distracted from their primary mission by the Disaster in New Orleans. Short for Flexible Employment for Marginally-qualified Acquaintances.

Fiction Works that present an interesting and compelling story that everyone understands not to represent Reality, for example, President Bush’s annual Budgets.

Fictional A Conservative Author’s Favorite kind of Book, since you’re expected to make things up.

Fiddle To be absorbed in idle pastimes (say, music or Biking) while things are burning (see Global Warming) or flooding (see Global Warming).

Fight What we’re willing to do to achieve Victory. Short for Fostering Insurgent Guerillas Hostile to Taxation.

Fighting Terrorism An activity that, like Bush says, can’t Increase Terrorism. We thus plan to start doing this as soon as we’re done cleaning up from our Payback on Saddam.

Figures The most highly-perfected Conservative Art form. People say our figure studies are the epitome of creativity. That's good, right?

Filibuster A Legislative maneuver with a long history of use by Conservatives (For example, as employed by Dr. Sen Frist in 2000 against Judge Paez). It’s an anachronism now (considering we’re in Power) so we all need to just put it behind us!

Fingercrossing A term that perfectly captures the Conservative approach to Environmental Policy on Global Warming. We cross our fingers when we issue reports on it (see Lying), and then we cross them again in the hope it’s not really happening (see Delusional).

Fire A Human Relations action a lot like requisitioning for a new position (e.g., a Government Prosecutor), but with the added convenience of less paperwork.

First Monday The scheduled October start of the Supreme Court session in the Constitution. While the current court doesn’t have much Respect for that document, they’re generally expected to show up on time. For one thing, the Bill of Rights isn’t yet fully trampled.

Fiscal Conservative 1. A politician known by the phrase "Higher Taxes over my dead body." 2. (Archaic) A politician known by the phrase "Deficit spending over my dead body" (see Liberal.)

Fiscal Discipline An important Priority, right after (#2) getting the Increased Spending we need for Reelection and (#1) preserving our monster Tax Cuts.

Fiscal Prudence A term used by Bush’s Office of Management and Budget to describe massive additional Borrowing to Privatize Social Security. This is a specific instance of the Budget management strategy known to economists as “not Paying for something you want.”

Fish A resource being rapidly depleted by huge fishing fleets subsidized by Foreign Countries. We need to up our own Subsidies quick to make sure we get our fair share!

Fishing Expedition A term Dittohead Politicians use to show concern for depletion of Fisheries, as in Rep Sensenbrenner’s statement “It seems to me that with this fishing expedition there ain’t no fish in the water.” OK, he was really talking about the Firing of the Prosecutors after DOJ Operative Monica Goodling admitted that everything was Politicized, but given all the Hype over the Environment, we have to take our Greenwash wherever we find it.

Fist Jab A one-handed greeting used by Terrorists like Osama bin Laden and Michelle Obama (note the similarity in names!), since they can do it while holding their AK47s.

Fit 1. In excellent physical condition, for example from lots and lots and lots of Biking. 2. Wearing clothes your size, for example by having a Presidential tailor. 3. Qualified, i.e. able to do your job without causing loss of Life. Bottom line: two out of three ain't bad!

Flake Our favorite kind of Terrorist (like those guys in Miami), since we can beat the drums of War without cutting into our Biking.

Flaming Cowpie Bush’s reported nickname for the Iraq Study Group Report, just what you’d expect from a flaming Cowboy.

Flag The Conservative Politician’s all-purpose tool, more useful than the Swiss Army Knife. You can wave it, wrap yourself in it, soft-focus it in your Political Advertisements, create flag protection substitutes for real legislation, Bash opponents for not supporting your flag legislation…the possibilities are endless! Literally, Fallback for Lack of an Agenda for Governance.

Flat Equal, like when Revenues are equal to what they were when Bush cut Taxes years ago. Liberals and Economists sneer that “flat” will only occur when the Debt run up in the meantime gets Paid off. Like that’s going to happen anytime soon! Regan’s Tax Cuts haven't even been paid off yet.

Flexibility Willingness to Change. We’re so flexible we’re ready to change our tactics every five minutes if that what it takes to Stay the Course to total Victory!

Flip-Flop 1. Changing your mind, like when you oppose a commission’s recommendations and then you support them. 2. A Conservative Politician’s default campaign Message about his opponent (other than that he’s a Liberal with a Capital L, of course). See Clinton.

Flood A particularly destructive kind of Surge where the escalation Peaks but things otherwise remain More of the Same.

Flood Control An excellent example of Government Waste, Fraud, and Abuse. As if water doesn’t drain away all by itself if you just give it a little time!

Florida An Election offering many sterling examples of States’ Rights in action, from import of out-of-state mobs to instant US Supreme Court expertise in a State constitution.

Flowers How our Military would have been greeted in Iraq if it wasn’t a Desert. (Cheney can’t be expected to remember what kind of plants every country has, can he?! Chalk it up as his Mistake Quota for the first term). (See, we can admit them!)

Flush What to do with embryos no longer needed, to make sure they can’t be used by Science for saving Lives (see Stem Cell Research). We don’t support Flushing S**t, though (see Iraq), since then we’d have no Results at all.

Flushing Proper disposition of Holy but unusable materials like medical waste from fertility treatments and scriptures from competing Religions. Considering how much we’re giving up with the former (see Stem Cell Research), it’s surprising that People are getting so worked up about the latter!

Flypaper A superior way of fighting terrorism, by getting Terrorists to flock to places where the Military can do its thing. Then, as the Body Counts mount, you know you’re seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Focus The key to winning the War on Terror. We need to focus on making sure the tremendous Political Capital it generates (as a by-product of generating Money) capitalizes our Cronies and Campaign Contributors rather than Blue States, where it would just be wasted on checking luggage and cargo for Theoretical attacks.

Food Stamps 1. A Liberal program by which Taxes are Immorally stolen from the hard-working productive Citizens with Jobs and given as Welfare to unemployed slackers. 2. A program that kept from starving the liberal-hating Dittohead who Shot up the liberal Church because he Hated liberals (and also because he was pissed at expiration of his food stamp eligibility due to Limits imposed by Conservatives).

Footsteps The Conservative version of Change. You follow the path blazed by a GOP Hero like Reagan (see Tax Cuts) or George W Bush (see Warfare), merely changing the actual feet (see McCain).

For To be against something, for example when a Republican candidate says he’s “for” Stem Cell Research (see Lying). When this statement is analyzed using the Science of Semantics, its precise meaning is “for Stem Cell Research hobbled by Constraints to delight Christianist Voters.”

Foreign Aid Government spending that most Citizens believe to be 20-40% of the Budget but is actually far less than 1%. Most of it is Military aid to dictators. The rest is “Money down the rat hole,” as St. Jesse used to say.

Foreign Country 1. An evil collection of Enemies intent on destroying all that America stands for. 2. A tolerable but still pathetic group of people who sometimes don’t speak English, and the ones that do don’t speak it right. The only thing going for them is their support for the most recent example of American Foreign Policy.

Foreign Policy See Military.

Forgetful Something that happens when you get old, like forgetting how to get home or, in Extreme cases, even how many homes you have.

Forward 1. The direction the country should be looking when Conservatives are being investigated (see DeLay). 2. The direction that inquiries should be going when Liberals are being investigated (see Clinton).

Founding Fathers Republican Heroes like Abe, who is doubtless spinning in his grave over Liberal complaints about our retaliating for a Hypothetical attack.

Fourth of July The day we celebrate once a year with “bombs bursting in air.” Iraqis are so impressed with our example of Freedom that they do it every day!

Fox 1. A colloquial term meaning “to deceive the gullible,” as in “Fred, president of his local VFW chapter, was foxed into Voting for the Deserter rather than the decorated Combat Veteran.” 2. The Logical Conservative candidate animal for Department of Henhouse Security.

Free Acquired without effort or sacrifice, for example, through inter-generational Borrowing. We don’t call ourselves the land of the free for nothing! (Actually, we do call ourselves the land of the free for nothing, since that’s what we’re paying for a lot of our Government goodies.)

Free Press The application of Conservative enthusiasm for capitalism to the Media (see Journalist). It’s just like the application of capitalism to sex (which is why the press we want isn't Free!)

Fraud Voting by Minorities.

Free Ride A central Tenet of modern Conservatism, seen both in our finding creative ways to download wealth from Future generations (see Deficit) and in how we make sure rich Heirs (see Campaign Contributors) are set for Life (see Inheritance Tax).

Freedom 1. The right to bear arms. If you need more than that you must be an ACLU Liberal! 2. The right to speak out on the inappropriate roles that women and minorities have usurped. Our freedom of speech has been unconstitutionally limited to pointing out how their "achievements" are based on Liberal Media bias. Happily, Immigrants are still fair game.

Freedom Fries A staple of Red State cafeterias until aficionados discovered they were eating crow.

Freeze The refreshing pause a Leader experiences when first exposed to stressful events like broken Levees and Terrorist attacks, just before leaping into action to calculate the impact to Reelection.

Friendly Audience A secured group that has been thoroughly searched for anti-War underwear prior to sequester.

Frist The senator who conducts his financial affairs at arms-length (see Blind Trust), all the better to rake in the chips when it’s time to cash out (say, two weeks before your Stock tanks).

Frivolous Lawsuit Gambling on a Payoff from a bad personal Decision, for example when Patients Roll the Dice to try dodging a well-deserved Bankruptcy when it was their own Choice to Work for an Employer without Health insurance.

Front 1. A fake arrangement to hide the true situation, as in “CIA front company.” 2. A place of battle, as in “Iraq is the main front of the War on Terror.”

Fully Prepared Having your Blame-ready Cronies lined up.

Fundraisers How the President stays connected with the common folk (see People.)

Future A period of time ending with the next Election (see Posterity).

Future Historians The only group George W. Bush talks about needing to please (other than his Base), since their opinions will surely vindicate his Decisions. Of course, it’s also possible they might be hacked off about having to Pay the Debt he ran up, and dealing with Global Warming, but we’re sure they’ll see past such trivialities to applaud how he tried to stop Flag burning.

Fuzzy Math An approach used by Cons (in Politics and in Crime) to formulate financial transactions. For example, in politics it can be used to formulate increased Government benefits by Budgeting multiple uses for the same Tax dollar (see Social Security). For a Criminal example of fuzzy math, see the movie and musical “The Producers.”