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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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E Earmark A distinctive notch that a farmer cuts in his animals’ ears to mark them for harvesting. In Politics it symbolizes our harvesting of Posterity’s Money (see Deficit). Earn Having a Legal Right to wealth. For rich Conservatives, this may or may not involve actual Work. Earth One of the two essential components by which commercial enterprises create material wealth. The other is Campaign Contributions. Earth Day A good opportunity to tout the GOP's "Result-oriented" Environmental Policy (see Greenwash). We can always use the Campaign Contributions that "Result." Earthquake The tragedy that struck San Francisco 100 years ago. Thank God for a kind of Disaster nobody can accuse us of causing! Easter A holiday focused on resurrection. It's traditionally celebrated by Presidents with Easter Recess Appointments resurrecting Nominations rejected by the Senate, either because they were too Extreme (see Bush) or because someone just needed to fill the damn Job (see Obstruct Obama). Economic Chasm A steep drop-off that Citizens periodically encounter on the Road of Life. The Right way to deal with this barrier is for the Strong to leap across it and everyone else to go in, since that’s how you find the Bottom. While Liberals argue that Government can Spend Taxes to build a Bridge so that everyone can get across, this won’t Work because it’s Socialism. Economic Growth The long-term natural Increase in Wealth that occurs due to Science and technology. It lets us get away with Tax Cuts that create huge Deficits. No matter how big the cut, the Economy will eventually Increase to the point that Revenues equal what they were. At that point we can crow about the need for more cuts to pay off the Trillions in Debt racked up in the meantime. Economic Policy See Tax Cuts. Economy The accumulated personal incomes of Conservative Campaign Contributors, as in phrases like “the GOP Tax Cut platform will bolster the economy.” Eden The paradise from which the first People were ejected for eating of the Tree of knowledge (the Evil act the Church of Conservatism now calls Science). Educate An important Priority for the Republican Presidential Candidates. For example, they all agree on the need to better educate Americans on how Bush’s Low Polls are undeserved, as evidenced by how much the GOP hopefuls want to Stay the Course on everything George W is doing (see Bush League). Education Testing to make sure that no Child gets Left Behind. Schools where students test poorly get less Money. While this might look like a kick in the behind, we make sure it’s on the Right and not the left behind. Education Level Academic achievement typically measured by the number of institutions attended (i.e. bachelors, masters, doctoral, post-Doc). By that measure, Sarah Palin, with her five-institution degree, is a post-post-doc Education President The well-earned mantle Rudy will assume from Bush if Elected, based on his Command of schoolyard taunts (see Promise). Effigy A dummy, for example the version of Bush the Iraqis burned in gratitude for his Bold Act of liberation (specifically his Freeing a Trillion US Taxpayer dollars to guarantee their Right of Political assembly). Election A periodic exercise to make sure we got the Redistricting right. Election Day The date the GOP-administered IRS now kicks off its ever-longer holiday no-enforcement period. Why that day? It’s the perfect reminder to Voters that if they keep electing Republicans, pretty soon we’ll be Borrowing all the Money needed to run the Government. That will be the best of all worlds, since Chinese bankers rather than Americans will then be paying the whole bill for our Wars and Pork, not just a measly third-Trillion a year. Electoral College It does for elections what a mail-order degree mill does for higher Education – it gives the less gifted a Shot (see Bush). Elephant The perfect symbol for today's GOP. It consumes enormous quantities, never forgets, and squashes anything in its way. Elite Snooty Liberals. We want the Conservative Revolution to do for them what the French Revolution did for its Elites, the Hereditary rich. How’s that for Irony! Elites Educated People not Rich enough to be Republican fat cats. Embargo A market-based Foreign Policy Strategy that delivers the natural benefits for US Citizens that accrue from poor people going to their markets and finding nothing to buy. Embezzle The sneaky taking of Money one is not entitled to. It’s totally unrelated to Deficit spending; our Special needs clearly entitle us to Posterity’s wealth. Empathy According to Republican Dogma (most recently directed at Judge Sotomayor), a quality a Supreme Court Justice should not have. Not that judges are anything special; the same applies to pretty much every Government Job (see FEMA). Employee Someone who Works. When all the Jobs are with the Government (for example all the Doctors), it’s called Socialism. We also call it socialism even when a Change won’t be adding lots of government employees (see Health Care Reform), since we’ve found this to be one of our best-performing Lies. Employee Welfare Having Empathy for fellow Workers, for example as shown by the Executives who made sure the Banks they managed carved out enough of the Government Bailout Money to ensure their Bonuses were Paid (including, coincidentally, theirs). End A shorthand way of saying “light at the end of the tunnel,” the Aspirational Time Horizon for Iraq withdrawal expressed by McCain in 2003 when he said “the end is very much in sight.” End of the Second Term The standard schedule for a Conservative Politician (see Bush and McCain) to Commit to having the Budget balanced. It allows them to seem concerned about Deficits (see Lying) while giving themselves the maximum amount of time to formulate an Excuse (see Blame). Enemy Evildoers intent on destroying all that America stands for. In other words, Liberals. Energy Exploration The Words that Work better than Drill Baby Drill (except when the Base needs some Red Meat). Enforce The responsibility of Government agencies like DOJ and EPA to Decide whether to Prosecute or (in our case) not. Enhanced A Word that Works to make something sound OK, but just a little more than usual, like enhanced Interrogation for Torture and enhanced Sleeping for Dead. Entitlement A central Principle of Conservatism, for two entirely separate reasons. The first is that we Hate people being entitled to benefits from the Government, primarily because other people need them less than we need Tax Cuts. More importantly, it’s GOP Policy that we’re all entitled to live exactly like the Founding Fathers, when America’s resources seemed infinite and it was a Right to Sluurrrp them up as quickly as eighteenth century technology allowed. Emergency An event requiring the President to Rush back from Vacation to take Preemptive action, e.g., a husband in Florida wanting to pull the plug on his brain-dead wife. In contrast, mere Disasters require a day or two to determine how bad they really are. Employer-Based Healthcare The system that adds over $1,000 to the cost of every American automobile. In other words, a clever way to get Foreign Countries to Pay for sick Americans by buying our big SUVs. Energy The proper basis for Foreign Policy. It’s quantity that matters. Since things that go BANG have the most energy, they’re the perfect foundation for relations with Foreign Countries. More importantly, it keeps the Base energized. Entangle To “twist together into a tangled mess.” The term usually refers to entanglement between Politics and Religion. With help from the Supreme Court, we’ll make a knot that Liberals will never get untied! Entitlement The core of modern Conservatism. Because we’re Religious, we are entitled to the full measure of God’s blessings without Constraint. In return, we pass laws to make sure People give Him the credit for our blessings. Enunciate Bush’s pre-Election manner of speaking, designed to telegraph proper distain for Liberal wussiness (see Redeploy). Watch how as the Bipartisan honeymoon wanes it eases back in. Environmental Activist A Liberal who doesn’t have a real Job and doesn’t want anyone else to have one either. Environmental Policy A kind of international pie-eating contest where Winners are awarded Bonus Jobs. Team USA has had an envious record over the last several centuries, aside from embarrassments during the Liberal presidencies of Theodore Roosevelt and Richard Nixon. Envy An important Conservative value. No matter how much you have, someone else always has more. Envy keeps us in the game. EPA How Conservative Environmental Policy is administered. The literal meaning is "Every Polluter Assisted." Equation A succinct expression of Mathematical Truth, for example Surge + Pause = escalation. Erase A method we employ in our never-ending quest to simplify the administration of Justice by diminishing the influence of Lawyers. It’s actually our favorite, since erasing the evidence (see CIA) hopefully means no Tribunals in the first place. Ethics Not having dalliances with interns or prostitutes. Etymology The study of word origins, a passionate hobby of the "Fish Folk" Dittohead dialect. The enormous time and effort they put into this esoteric pastime makes them veritable "Safires in the rough." The world's leading collectors of obscure biblical references in the Body of US Law (see Ten Commandments). Evil A term for unspeakable acts. Literally, Each Various Instance of Liberalism. Evolution A plot by Atheist Scientists (oops, a redundancy) to foist the obviously ridiculous notion that natural processes had absolutely anything to do with the nature of plant and animal life on Earth. Evolving How we laugh at Hillary's Evolutionary Voting For Iraq and while later voting against it. Bush wouldn’t Waffle that way, since he doesn’t believe in evolution of opinions (or anything else). Devolution is a different matter. Exaggeration The second stage in the gathering of Intelligence, between Collection and Dissemination. Formerly called Analysis, back before the political value of properly processed intelligence became recognized. Example Something a Conservative sets by refusing to talk about his acts during his younger years (say, age 40). Excellent The word a Conservative Politician like McCain should use to describe a Question like “how do we beat the Bitch?” He should also Laugh to ensure he’s showing sufficient approval. Exceptionalism Rush's notion that Dittoheads are special. It’s absolutely True, if only in the sense of the Special Olympics. Exclude Our Logical approach to Increasing the size of the Party by purging any elements falling short of Ideological purity. Excuse A golden opportunity for doing what you’ve been itching to do all along, like Bush relaxing Environmental Regulations as his first act after the Hurricane. Execute To put a Plan into Action, specifically the Supreme Court’s plan to throw the Base some Red Meat (in the form of Dead meat) from time to time. Executive A Leader charged to ensure that the Interests of shareholders are his first priority. Some maintain this attitude even after changing Jobs, for example former Health Insurance Industry executive Senator Nelson. Executives A Job type dominated by wealthy Conservatives (pardon the redundancy). From the root “execute” (see Layoff). Executive Experience A Job qualification gained by Running something. One alternative is to run a Presidential Campaign, which is like founding a multi-hundred million dollar business based on getting millions of people to Pay without actually getting anything in return, and then having to also get tens of millions of Votes. Alternatively, you can have a Rich Spouse who buys you a House in a State with an open seat (see Arizona), or get 120,000 votes to be governor (see Alaska). Executive Privilege A term derived from the phrase Privileges and Advantages, the GOP Focus of preservation (as opposed to, say, the Earth). The other word is there because we like executions. Exile A punishment for Criminal behavior, like Jail except the Government Saves Money by not having to feed you. A recent example is Rush calling himself Conservatism in exile. Just think how much the government is saving! Exit Strategy A key responsibility of Government. We’ve got it covered. In fact, putting those signs over doors is the one thing that OSHA’s good for (don’t see Rumsfeld). Expecting 1. Being pregnant. 2. Thinking Health Insurance will cover catastrophic Problems with a pregnancy (not if we in the GOP can help it!) Expended The dire situation of a soldier or policeman who has prematurely Fired all his bullets. It’s the normal situation for Dittohead Politicians, since we believe in pulling out the stops every day. That’s why Bush is in a jam on Recession Stimulus. Being Trillions in the hole because of Tax Cuts during prosperous times is as expended as you get! Experience The number of Opportunities a Presidential Candidate has had to advocate Bombing as a Foreign Policy Strategy. Expert Someone who has spent a long career Solving Problems of a certain kind (for example, a Scientist or, for Politics, an insider). In other words, a smarty-pants. Ex-President The American tradition for a former President to exercise continued Leadership though his Actions after leaving the White House. Jimmy Carter is considered one of the best. In contrast is the departed President, renowned not for action but for lack of it. Bush is considered the best because of 1) the enormous number of Citizens thrilled that, with his departure, he is no longer acting and 2) the refreshing willingness he’s shown to keep his mouth shut about his successor. Expression What the Conservative Politician wears on his Face to communicate his Character, for example Bush’s cocky Smirk and McCain’s frozen toothy grimace. Both are Perfect. Expectation The political variant of the board game OperationTM. The object is to pull out a Message without setting off the Media buzzer, all while is your team shouts that you’re going to Mess up. The winner is the Politician with the most believable team. Experiment 1. What Scientists do when they’re not sure what will happen. 2. What Conservatives do (see Iraq) when we’re absolutely sure what will happen (see Flowers). Explosion The sound you her on the Fourth of July. Since we’re so Patriotic, you just gotta know it’s our calling card, as in Iraq (see IED), and the Deficit (see New Orleans). Export The adoption of our Values by Foreign Countries we’ve Conquered. We’ve had great Success building on the earlier triumphs of Truman and Eisenhower. Just look at how Iraq and Afghanistan have embraced our core Conservative characteristics, particularly our Corruption. Extended Tour of Duty The service our National Guard is enduring because we needed to extend our tour of duty (see Reelection). Extinctions How we’re going beyond Intelligent Design to simplify the teaching of Biology. Extraction A Measure of Progress in Iraq, based on how much Oil is being extracted versus when Saddam was the Ruler. It’s now back to pre-War levels, both in the amount extracted from the Earth and the amount extracted by Corruption (see Oil for Food). Extradition of Terrorists A provision of the Patriot Act enacted to ensure that every heinous deed is brought to Justice. It’s of course Optional when the airliner blown up was flying between Foreign Countries we don’t like. Some Principles are just more important than others. Extortion A Crime committed when someone forces their will on others, for example the standard Republican senatorial ploy of holding Presidential Department of Homeland Security appointments hostage until their pet demand is met (which is also sort of like kidnapping!) Extreme The new mainstream, like brown is the new black. |
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